So I just got done with Thanksgiving break. I'm still finding it difficult to maintain this diary, because every night I want to come home and just...lay down after a long day of work, but no. I must maintain my humanity and personhood and write about my feelings as frequently as possible.

Thanksgiving was bookended by awful, anxiety-inducing family dysfunction. Mom screamed at the entire family in the car, and since she had the wheel, she decided to swerve on the highway as a sort of twisted power move? Like, she could kill us if she wanted to. I was sitting on the ground because there was no fourth seat available, and I probably could have died. No seatbelt or anything. It was awful. My dad was like, "WHAT THE HELL!" and my mom was like, "HELL? I'LL GIVE YOU HELL!" It was fucked.

But after that it was ok! I guess. I saw Brian that night for the first time. It was strange to have him suddenly in my arms after two months of touch-and-go Skype call scheduling. My dad actually saw him first and sort of ruined the moment. I don't even know why my dad was on the driveway. Maybe he wanted some air. Brian and I saw "Arrival," which I had very low expectations for, and I was pleasantly surprised by the quality. It was sci-fi for dum-dums, but the production design was phenomenal (the aliens and their megalithic "spaceships"? were amazing) and the underlying message was very unique. Later we watched half of "Wizard People, Dear Reader." Brian loves memes and shitposts so much that he entirely avoids the Internet, because he fears its immense power. To him, memes are meth: one smoke, and all hope is lost.

It's all coming back to me now! A few days before the break, I was working in the studio all day (as usual), and I had a very deep late-night conversation with Sarah and Nathan about our dysfunctional families. So, we're close. I bought some stuff at the art sale, including a T-shirt that Nathan also bought, and we will match this coming Thursday! But. The best part. Dylan spilled the beans on Andrew. And I learned so much that it'll take me a few minutes to collect my thoughts and record this all for posterity. Shall I record in bullet=point format?

• He apparently liked me before or around the time he started dating Kylie. He was infatuated with me all the way back to first semester, which is FUCKING INSANE, because I literally talked to him like three times at this point. More on this in a second.
• Dylan, the first time, told me three stories. NO MORE, NO LESS. The first was this: Dylan walked in on Andrew watching a movie with a girl and thought that he was trying to romantically/sexually pursue her. So he was like, "Oh, my bad." Andrew said, "No, no, she was just leaving," and she left, halfway through the movie. So Dylan asked, "What was that about? Were you trying to get with her?" And Andrew allegedly sighed and said, "I don't know man. She's no Marcie." !!!!!!!!! WTF
• Then, we started getting into uncomfortably sexual/objectifying territory. He apparently talked about sitting on my face ALL THE TIME. Who knows what that's even about. When Dylan told me this story I was so appalled I rolled all the way to the hallway, then returned immediately for more salacious details. That day, he provided only one more.
• The curse of ethnicity is that it is inextricably related to sexuality. I was so naive before Dylan informed me of the truth. Prior to this moment, I hadn't even dreamed of anyone fetishizing me for my race. Why, I'm only half asian! If anything, I'm just a little Cambodian girl! Nobody could look at me and relate my vaguely ethnic appearance to my innate sexuality! How wrong I was. On fucking VALENTINE'S DAY, Andrew was apparently sad that he was single and didn't get any cards (who does???), and so he decided to visit his FwB, who was apparently a smokin' hot MILF with a straight-up adult son. Andrew was bragging/telling Dylan about this when he tacked on, "Yeah. AND she's Asian." And Dylan said, "So...you're into Asian?" and Andrew said, "Nah....I'm into her because she looks like......" ME. SHE LOOKED LIKE ME!! OH BLESSED DAY, HOW COULD ANY STORY EVER SURPASS THIS???

This is the end of the first part of my stories of Andrew. More to come. But first, chronologically: Thanksgiving. The day itself was nothing remarkable, except maybe for the ham, which was delicious. Jordan cooked all the food this year, and he did a fantastic job. I got way too drunk on half a glass of wine, because I hadn't eaten anything that day, and upon reflecting I am honestly embarrassed for myself. My parents were very transphobic about gender neutral bathrooms, and my mom didn't vote! All in all, a normal time. The day after was a work day for me, though Brian came to my house at night and we finally watched "Oldboy." It was fucked up, like all Korean movies. Just, real sexist and weird. But I think I liked it? I don't know. Saturday I hung out with Danielle and Alex; we went to Applebee's and got half-apps, and it was really cheap. Then we watched Moana. It was a nice time. I don't know what else to say. Getting pounded? IS THAT QUIRKY ENOUGH FOR YOU, MEMORY, YOU FICKLE TEMPTRESS OF IDEALIZED FALSEHOODS???

Fuck, I almost forgot this part. On Wednesday, the day I was to return home, Brian and I got into an actual argument over his plan for the day: arrive at Noodles at 5, eat dinner for an hour, eat dessert for half an hour, then arrive at the movie theater 20 minutes early in order to save a seat. I was telling Ameesha about this plan, and she commented on its ridiculousness, which I hadn't at the time realized, so I went back and told Brian that his plan was garbage and we would not be going that early to anything. And then we got into a legit fight. I think, in the end, we both compromised on something, but like...Noodles! It's so random and trashy. Or, at least, plain and predictable. And he wanted to get to the theater TWENTY MINUTES EARLY!! What the fuck?? I think his solitary life has made him more paranoid. Like, he was actually mad that I didn't want to get to the theater 20 minutes before the start of the movie. But uh, that was fun. The movie ended up being pushed back about half an hour, which gave us enough time to go to Cub Foods and get cheesecake, which was good and cheap. And I was half an hour late because my mom was being crazy. Oh, also, she forced my dad and brother to go shopping with her. She threatened to not take me home if they didn't agree to go shopping with her. It's like, psychopathic, to use the people you care about against you. She just has that natural inclination within her. She doesn't even need to read about it; it's instinctual to bully.

Cool beans. Today was fucked up because my mom was being insane. She shoved her way into my apartment and it was awful. I almost got physical with her. But how can you not, when someone is using their body to force their way in, when you specifically told them not to? And I was so pissed off in the parking lot and there was a woman in her car and she was clearly judging me, but, like, U DONT KNOW UNTIL U KNOW. Anyway then I told her to get out and she threw another hissy fit. Oh and somehow she managed to log into mymcad and checked my grades and graduation requirements, and she thinks that I'm not going to graduate, and I don't even want to explain to her how I am actually legit graduating because it's too much of a fucking hassle, so then she threw all these fines in my face and emailed the librarian and emailed me screenshots of my grades and it was fucking insane. Later today I literally poured part of my heart out to Ameesha and Bree, because I was so overwhelmed by how terrible my mom is, and it felt good. But it also feels bad, beacuse I've repressed almost all of my emotions. God. She was threatening to cancel the plane ticked to New Jersey she bought me over the weekend. I cannot wait to be financially independent. If only I could be as good of a fake ho as Ameesha; my life would be so much easier.

So anyway I love Brian and miss him and can't wait to live with him and blah blah blah. Onto a more interesting subject: ANDREW. Sarah, Bree, and I managed to corner Dylan (literally) and get him to SPILL ALL THE BEANS ON ANDREW. Dylan hyped it up WAY TOO MUCH, and we were all left a bit disappointed, but I for one have latched onto a few key phrases/moments that will stick with me (hopefully) the rest of my life. Ok here goes:

• His lamentation to Dylan while in the drawing studio was in FUCKING DECEMBER. Literally first semester of college. We were in foundation 2D. I said his work was cool, like, maybe twice. God know what he ever said to me.
• He said he loved me. Not in a true way, but in a casual way, I guess? Like, "God, I love her." Etc. Nothing too serious. I think.
• His lamentation took place early morning/late, late evening while Dylan was alone in the drawing studio. During this time Dylan drew whatever still life was required for class while Andrew sat and emptied his soul of angst for hours, with little input from Dylan.
• Lamentation is a great word for this event. This was a key moment in Dylan's life. His freshman year. A sweet little 17-year-old. Can you imagine? Hearing all this?
• Andrew, after being sad about Kylie for a bit, moved on to me, and said things like, "She would be good to me. And I would be good to her. We would be good to each other."
• He'd also say things like, "I'd tear her ass up more than that asshole was torn up in goatse," or something along those lines. And more charming acts of kindness, like, "She wouldn't be able to walk the next day," or "I'd fuck her so hard." Etc. Whatever. Dylan was kind of tight-lipped about the juicy details.
• He ended the conversation by saying, "God, I'm so horny right now," and said he was going to watch porn. Then he did the thing from "Silence of the Lambs" and licked his lips provocatively, except with more tongue, and he did this all the way down the hallway, and his smacking and slurping still echoes in the halls to this day, allegedly. At the very least, Dylan awakens in a cold sweat at least once a week, having dreamt of this sound.

Oh what fun the animation department is. Oh, what fun. It's all so strange. He literally didn't know me. And I didn't even look that good. Like I could imagine someone objectifying a hotter girl to that extent. But me? Marcie shower-once-a-week-no-more-no-less LaCerte? I guess my scent carries a certain irresistible charm, which is only compounded by my days of filth-wallowing.

So that's what happened today. Oh, and I still haven't finished writing all the dialogue to my game. And I have all my sound to do. And a lot of loose ends to tidy up. Oh fuck, and the record store scene. Guess I should work on that, haha! One (ish) more week to go! KILL ME