Yesterday, I worked for most of the morning (and by worked I mean fuck around and mindlessly eat garbage), then went to the Game Design Club meeting. It was led by Rachel, who's been nice in helping me figure out what to do for my senior project. But it was kind of a hot mess. There was a powerpoint, which was great, but we spent two whole hours on "introducing ourselves," which consisted of talking endlessly about video games that only two or three people knew about/wanted to talk about. But I mean was interesting, at least. I think next week we are doing a mini game jam, which should be fun. Too bad this is my last semester — how will I make friends with anyone in New Jersey, when I'm not in any clubs at school, and I am unemployed??

After that I worked. I haven't watched a movie in a long while. I was going to see "Fantastic Planet," but I don't have a car, and it screened at midnight, which is basically my new bedtime. Maybe I will watch it tomorrow after class.

Today, I woke up at 12 accidentally and turned in my Cintiq pen late, christening myself for the new semester. I didn't work on my animation AT ALL, which was a welcome relief that eventually wracked me with guilt. WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE IF I AM NOT TOILING AWAY ENDLESSLY ON A PROJECT, TURNING MY BACK INTO MUSH AND MY EYES ALSO INTO MUSH??

I finished "Everything is Illuminated" today, which was SUCH an amazing book — a new favorite, definitely. I feel much sharper after consistently reading for an hour every day. I will be speeding ahead into "The Sound and the Fury," which is notoriously difficult, so I must be strong.

So, I spent the entire day reading and notetaking for art history. Literally hours spent reading my textbook and transcribing notes. I'm quite interested in ancient history, as it turns out. Prehistory beacuse it is the purest form of humanity and thus produced the purest art; Sumeria, beacuse they straight up invented writing; Babylon and Neo-Babylon, because they were epic and luxurious and grand and made one of the most beautiful blue architectural monuments the world has ever seen, and also Hammurabi straight up invented laws. It's almost giving me an existential crises. Humanity has been epic and beautiful since the very start, and so much art has been lost to time, and lives, too, have been lost, and what is the point of creating anything when after three millenia I will most certainly be forgotten? What is the purpose of my diligent note-taking and studying and creating? But, in a less solipsistic sense, I am very proud of humanity and what we are able to accomplish. The pyramids are mind-boggling. The richness of near eastern and Egyptian religion/mythology is inspirational — we haven't strayed far from our origins, though we have tried. Spiritualism and innovation are the ultimate components of life.

But, uh, I don't think that made sense, but I guess it makes sense in my head, because I am a mercurial creature of whim and emotion.

I didn't even get to Skype with B. We didn't even get to finish our Fermi Paradox Jam. But that's probably for the best, because I wasn't too into it anyway.

Carlos is still AWOL. Is he dead to me yet? I've been asking B when a good "dead to me" date should be. He said that if Carlos does not reply or try to see me by October, I should consider him dead. This really puts a damper on my animation, though. Really tragic. God, but, seriously, all these years thrown away, and for what? His girlfriend? Are we so different now that we inevitably must drift apart to maintain our own sanity? I don't feel much different. If anything, I am more interesting and more knowledgeable. Maybe I am also more set in my ways. But that's typical of growing older. What are the ways into which he has settled? Faux poverty, trips to Italy, feeding the cat, despising school and his circumstance, for which he can blame no one but himself? I will move, and with that, I will move on from our friendship. He still owes me money, too, from fucking "Sausage Party." In this situation, I can only be comforted by the wisdom of Drake: YOLO.